Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
