I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize