If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
