I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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