So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
