Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
