He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
