I puked a lego.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
