she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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