why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
