I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
