I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
