he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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