Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
