Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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