I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
