im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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