Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
