I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize