i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
