She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize