Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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