my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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