the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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