fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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