words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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