doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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