There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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