took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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