break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
