I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
