thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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