i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
