We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
false alarm. still invincible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
