dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
