Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
