i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
