He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no you cant smoke seaweed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
