I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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