I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
