im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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