So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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