tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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