The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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