well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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