i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
