I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
