i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You've changed since you got that strap on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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