Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize