Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
