after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
