I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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