Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize