she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A bitchslap is in order.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
