i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
