that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
