I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
