either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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