I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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