So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
