Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
