Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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