Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
