debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
