yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
