i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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