i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
