I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
