You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
