also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
