Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize