if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Randomize
