He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
