Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
