I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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