If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
