Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
