My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
