We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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