It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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