one two three fourrrrnication!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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