Kiss
Puke
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god it's open bar.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
