my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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