i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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