When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
