I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who died my cat blue again?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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