I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
