Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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