maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
