sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm at about main and main street
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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