Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
