and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He has the fingertips of a God
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