his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
