I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
