My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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