Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i out mim tonsoeep
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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