i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize