You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
