and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
