how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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