So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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