puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I want to fling myself into the sun
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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