Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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