he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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