2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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