i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
