he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
