As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
