Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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