It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
