? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
