So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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