Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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