I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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