i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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