A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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