dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you traded sex for a burrito?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
