Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
being pregnant is like rehab
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
