so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
