you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
