Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
