Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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