I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
