Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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