I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
