I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
