it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
